I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she told me i tasted like america
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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