Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
