Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
