Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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