And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize