im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
