I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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