Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
