Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
