i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
