I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
