oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
