Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
