They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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