You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
