even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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