why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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