i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He shit in the fireplace
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
