I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
