i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize