The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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