My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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