Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
