when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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