Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Randomize
