I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
