you would pick up someone in the library
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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