I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
