you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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