Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize