my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
