your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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