I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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