OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
love makes seman taste better
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
