Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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