So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
