we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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