It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
