We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
