i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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