dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
