Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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