I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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