you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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