she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize