She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
