So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
