Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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