i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
