I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What a dumb baby whore.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize