I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
