Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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