I smell stomach acid.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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