I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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