Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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