dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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