am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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