I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize