I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
