she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
