So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
