And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize