OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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