return my video game
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
