i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
